So, it's been a minute

I'm not sure why I quit blogging.  I keep thinking that I need to buy a journal, and then today I found a free solution-start blogging again:) 
Our little family has changed and grown a lot since my last entry, but rather than trying to play catch up, I am going to jump in. 

Today we celebrated the life of our Papa Charlie.   He and Hotts spent 6 years together.   She cared for him in his final days, and she was by his side when he took his last breath.   Our family is grieving.   He was 94 years old when he died.  He was ready.   He was tired.  He didn't even want to eat cookies (which were his absolute favorite) anymore.   It has been really difficult to process his death.   I knew that it was only a matter of time for a while.... I mean he's 94!  But I didn't anticipate how challenging it would be to explain death to my children. 

During the last couple weeks of his life, Charlie was pretty weak.   He required complete care and became more dependent at a very rapid pace.   One day after I got Milo and Taya off to school, I took Crew to Hotts and Charlie's house.  My mom and grandma were exhausted and I went to provide emotional support and maybe a little bit of a physical break.   Well Crew had different plans.   He was so wild!   I kept trying to get him under control, but it wasn't happening.   Finally we had to leave because he was being too rowdy around Charlie.   I took him across the street to my mom's house.   I figured he needed some lunch and transformer play time before we hit the road.   I made him a giant bowl of mac-n-cheese.  He comes and sits at the table and stirs his food.   Then he looks and me and asks, "Is Charlie going to die soon"?   Before I even had time to answer, he was bawling.   Like huge gumball teardrops into his mac-n-cheese.   It was heartbreaking.   I held him and tried to explain how papa's body is old and that when we see him again, he will be a young man, and that he will play baseball with us and won't be in any pain.   This was a lot for his 4 year old heart to digest-It was a lot for my 31 year old heart to digest!  We sat for a long time and cried together.  Crew has this tough, naughty, invincible exterior, but deep down has the softest heart.   He told me that it was so hard because he "didn't know how to be sad".  I felt that same way.   Then between tearfilled gasps said, "If Charlie dies, then Hotts will be all alone in her family.  No one wants to be alone".   It was the hard truth that had been pulling at me too.   Of course Hotts wouldn't be alone, she has us.... but it's different.   Even thought the gospel is so sweet, and I have a complete testimony of the plan of salvation, death is downright difficult. 

Taya and Milo also had a sad time dealing with things.   Poor Taya's class pet happened to die on the same day.   She just couldn't hold it together.   Murielle's mom also died unexpectedly in the same week.  Although we weren't incredibly close with her, it has also impacted our family.   Sweet Murielle is an only child and we've tried to step up and support them, but how do you fill the shoes of a mother?  Watching my brother try to help her, and cope has been so humbling.  He, just like Crew, is really good at putting on a tough exterior, but when you see him crack it is heart bending.

Milo has shown less emotion, but I almost wish he would have a breakdown so we can talk about it.   He seems bottled up, and I hate that for him too:(  All around it's been a pretty heavy fall around here.  It has come in waves of extreme gratitude for the loving family that we have, and lows of watching our great grandfather slip away.   I hope that soon we will all find the peace that we need to accept his death.   I told the kids tonight that Papa Charlie would want us to hear his name and think happy wonderful thoughts.   He wouldn't want us to be sad and dwell in our grief.  I know that is true.   Sometimes is a lot harder to live something than to believe something.   

 

moving

In January Chris and I said that we both felt “bored”.   Not super engaged in work or hobbies.   We just felt stagnant.  We started thinking about flipping a house, or starting some new adventure together.  .  .  Well, we for sure got the adventure, and being bored sounds amazing!

At some point while looking for an investment property, I got the overwhelming feeling that we needed to move.  Like sick to my stomach had to happen kind of feeling.   Now I’ve heard people bare their testimonies and say that they were led to a specific place, and I always thought that it was sort of odd… but now I am one of those people!   I really didn’t want to sell our home.  Chris built that house.  We had put a lot of time into making it perfect for our family.   My best friend lived next door.   It had a neighborhood pool, and we were comfortable.   But I couldn’t change that ache, we had to move. 

Our house sold quickly.  Luckily they gave us nearly 3 months to close.   Which was good, because we needed a solid plan.  We toured house after house, city after city.   Looked at lots. Looked at building.  Looked at renovating. Looked at downsizing.  And in the end, really wished we didn’t have to move. 

I seriously felt like we were in a freefall for months.   All I did was scour the MLS looking for homes.   Then I would slowly pack our house, and finish it off with working on our building plans.   The struggle to figure out the next step was exhausting.   We had picked a city that we were really happy with.   There was a lot that we liked, but it had it’s set backs too.   It was on a steep hill-no bikes for the kids.   It needed a lot of retention=expensive.  Although we felt so good about this new location, everything with the construction was going SO slow, and we hadn’t even broke ground! 

Last week was go time.   We had to be out of our existing house by Saturday.  We were supposed to close on the land purchase in Mt. Green on the following Monday.   So on top of packing up our whole lives, we decided to tour houses one last time.   The tour was a giant flop.   We are really picky and honestly there is just not a lot of inventory on the market.   It was incredibly frustrating.  

I was super emotional all week.   All of our memories as a family happened while living in that house.   I felt like we were dying.   Finally in desperation I prayed, “Heavenly Father, I’m trying to do what you prompted me to do, but I don’t think that I can do this.    I need for you to help me through this.”   Immediately after that I started thinking about how if we would have just moved into the first home that we really liked, we could have been settled and living there for 3 months already.   And my answer came as plain as day, “where is the adventure in that?”   I thought it was such a funny answer!  But so true!   It really helped me to finish packing up, and keep trying to figure out what in the world we were supposed to be doing. 

At 9 o’clock at night, on the Thursday before moving day  I got out my phone to check any new listings in Mountain Green.   Something new had come on the market in the 2 hours since I had last looked.   I swiped through 4 pictures and ran upstairs to talk to Chris.  “It’s an emergency! We need to buy this house.”   He laughed and grabbed my phone.  In under three minutes we decided to offer full price, without even seeing the house in person.   Our realtor wrote up the offer and got it over before 10.  

The next day we went up to see the home.   They had 11 showing that day and it was swarming with people.  The house was even more amazing in person… like everything we could ever want x10.  We were on pins and needles waiting to hear if they were going to accept our offer.   In one day on the market they generated 6 offers!  The realtor of the home informed us that the owner wasn’t just concerned about price (which is a good thing, because we couldn’t have offered any more), but that he needed speed.   How quickly could we close?   Um… we had to move out the next day… so really fast!  It was  a dreadful day and a half waiting for them to get back to us.  But finally, right after we had completely moved, the call came that we got the house!  We were seriously ridiculously excited.  We are going to move in 2 weeks, which seems insane after all of that floundering for months.  Everything had to work out exactly like it did for us to be led here.   If we wouldn’t have struggled through building plans, examining schools in the area, looking at existing homes, we wouldn’t have been ready for this.   I know that this is where we are meant to be.   I cannot wait for our new adventures, and new life, in our new house! 

ADORABLE

I really don't like dance.   I feel really weird about little girls in skimpy outfits shaking their stuff on stage.   I was never that girly, and never thought that my daughter would be that girly.... but Taya beats to her own drum... her own fancy/prissy/petite/bedazzled drum.   She was 0% interested in soccer, she just wanted to take dance class.  So we did it.   Community dance at the city building with a 20 minute recital to end the session.    From day one Taya loved it. Especially when they brought out the ribbons and swirled like butterflies.   It was the least competitive class I've ever seen.   Her teacher put her front and center for the recital.   I thought it was kind of funny because The first move in the dance is flapping your wings like a butterfly, and usually Taya just sticks with that move the entire song.  Occasionally laying on the floor to take a break.   She was oblivious to the teacher or other girls doing their arabescs and ballet hands.   I loved it.   Taya loved it.   Her teacher always told her she did a beautiful job.   My kind of dance class! 

The day of her recital came, and she was beyond excited.   I was nervous for her.   I told her about twenty times where I would be sitting, and what to do if she needed help.   Finally she looked at me and said, "I got it mom."   So I left her sitting with her class and nervously took my seat.   Before the show her teacher explained that sometimes our tummies feel nervous, but that she had some magic glitter spray that would make the performance so fun.   She explained that it would give them the magic to smile so big and make all the people watching so happy.   (Hippie/magical teacher... yes please)!   So with her glitter magic on, she took the stage beaming.   Come to find out, she knew the dance all along.   She did amazing!!!   She looked so big and so happy up there.   I was bawling of course.  She was seriously the best/most adorable mom... Then it hit me-- I'm totally a dance mom!   Yikes!    For the finale the kids got glow sticks and the teacher let them run loose on the stage.   Taya danced her little heart out.   The curtain went down and she kept a dancing.   The encore curtain went up and yep, she was still going.  Kids found there parents, and Taya kept dancing.  She was literally the last one on the stage.   She thought that it was the greatest thing ever... so did I!  Tay is really not too physical of a kid.   I don't think she's ever exercised that hard in her entire life!  She was wild and free and soooo happy.   It was amazing.

Becoming a Real Person

Crew is officially transitioning out of the baby stage.   He very much has a personality of his own, and it is really fun to see the little man that he is becoming.   He is still very picky and pretty whiney, but he has learned a couple of words that are helping him communicate his particular opinion.   He signs and says more like no bodies business.   Especially when it comes to candy, seeing airplanes, and watching TV.   He really loves the park, and keeps up amazingly well with the big kids.  He has no fear, and knows no limits though.   He is constantly trying to walk off of slides. . . luckily he's always fallen on his butt and thinks it's so fun.   It about gives me a heart attack, and I'm pretty sure I've almost broke my arm trying to catch him... but he loves it--my little daredevil!  

He is also obsessed with spiders and bugs.   When he sees one, he will put his face inches away from it and squeal ooooooo.   Then he will sign and say "more, more, more".    He gets absolutely desperate to see more.  Summertime will make this easy, but it's only 50 here, spiders are hard to come by!

He still loves his food.   He eats more than the other kids combine.   He will eat a meal and have his treat, then go to the fridge and want a yogurt.   He is very proud of himself, because he can eat a yogurt completely on his own using his spoon.   If you try to help him, he will throw a grand fit.  

Crew loves to be doing what the big kids are doing.   He loves Star Wars, playing guns, and even likes to dress up with Taya.  He refuses to bathe alone, and has learned to get up on the couch and pat the seat next to him.  This means that he wants the kids to sit with him.   Taya and Milo are really good to help out with him.   They love him and dote on him like he is the baby. 

He is very picky about everything.   He will tell you what towel he wants dried off with, which cookie he wants out of the box, which song he wants to listen to in the car, he is even picky about what clothes he wants to wear. . . But let's remember, he has like 3 words.   We hear a lot of "nu-uh's" around here.  Then you'll hear that golden drawn out "uhh-huh", and whew success!   I'm pretty sure that Milo had about 500 words by two,  but Crew really doesn't need more than 3.   We all run around like crazy trying to please him.  

I'm not good about my kids getting bigger, but I have to admit.   I love Crew at this age.   I don't miss the baby phase like I thought that I would.   He is just such a cute little guy and is a lot happier now.   I love to see him explore new things and find so much joy in his discoveries!

Milo Saves the Day

The day after Christmas we bravely set out for our fist real family vacation.  We went to San Francisco to visit family.  Crew and I flew, and Chris and his parents drove out with the two older kids.  Two hours in a plane sounded like torture... I didn't know how 13 in a car was even feasible!   However, we all got there with relative ease. 

It was so much fun to be with family, and get to see the kids play with their cousins. . . but lets face it, vacations with kids are exhausting!  Especially when you are 1 and 3 years old.  Lets just say Taya had a few come aparts, and Crew had a little more than a few come aparts. Milo however, was a rockstar! He played hard with cousins day in and day out, without having to be scolded the entire trip.   He was so polite and sweet.   It just made my heart beam with pride at what a good boy he is. 

 He and Chase both got Legos for Christmas. . . and even though they are 15 years apart, these cousins had such a good time together.

The younger two really did a good job too. . . they are just little.  And when I would have my hands full and think, "ah is struggling with these two really worth it?"   I would see Milo beaming form ear to ear having the best time ever.   He was excited for everything that we did.   Loved spending time with everyone and anyone. He blew me away by how solid he was. 

Seriously made everything so much fun!   He sang his little heart out at Karaoke.  What a hillbilly!  I seriously love that he is such a country boy!

He schmoozed Allison.  He kept telling me I hope that she doesn't marry her boyfriend, because I really love her instead.  I didn't bother to explain that she is related to us:)

Milo also got to experience the ocean.   It was pretty cold, but he was determined.  The first wave came in and just touched the souls of his boots.  He looks back and smiles HUGE at us, "ha waves, I've got my John Deere boots!"  In that moment he thought that he was invincible.. . Until the next wave came in and poured over the top of his boots and nearly took him out!   

After that he caught a ride from cousin Chase.  He made the whole trip worth it!   I can't even put into words how proud I was the entire trip.   He is such a tender hearted, fun loving, good good boy.  I love him to pieces.   I keep thinking that he is getting so big, I should stop doting on him like he's my tiny baby, but I can't help it, he is just so stinking cute, I can't help but spoil him rotten. 

pickin pumpkins 2015

 Our tradition continues!   And oh my goodness, looking back at the pictures from last year-the kids have grown a ton!!!   Chris had been on a business trip all week and got home just in time to have a fun filled Halloween weekend.  We were ALL so thrilled to have him home. 

Milo was so big this year.  He wanted to carry his own pumpkin, was too cool to pretend to drive the tractor, and just wanted to be a good helper.  This boy was glued to his dad.  I love the strut that he does after he does something "big".   He helped Chris load the pumpkins into the truck and comes back and says, "alright girls, we took care of it."  What a little stud!. . . but where did my baby go?! 

For being such a diva, this little thing sure won't hold still for a picture!  She picked the first big pumpkin that she could find and said, "my dad is so so strong.  Tell him to use his muscles to lift it up."  Then she walked off and got in the trailer, and that was that.  She didn't want to walk around or think about a different one.  She had done her job, executed her sass, and was thrilled with her choice.  Then we have baby Crew.   His temperament really is getting so much more pleasant. . . especially when he's got food in his mouth!   If you notice he is carrying a bag of fruit loops, which Chris brought home from his trip.   Crew death gripped those babies all night.   That kid eats so much-it's crazy that he isn't fatter than he is.   He is good size, but definitely not a fat baby still.   He seriously stuffs everything and anything into that mug.

  It's crazy how fast the years are passing.   This last year has been a bit insane.   Having 3 kids so close together was definitely a handful, but I must admit, now that they are getting a little older, it is so much fun to see them interact.   Crew is constantly trying to keep up with Milo and Taya.   They are such good kids, and tolerate his sticky baby hands stealing their toys and pawing at their treats.  They love to make him laugh and he loves them like crazy.   When I used to need to get a babysitter, I would try to get one for the big kids, and one for Crew.   They were just too much of a handful.   But now Crew needs his brother and sister, and they need him.   I always said that I wanted to raise my kids in a "pack" so that they would be close. and we're doing it- one crazy day at a time:)

The Caboose

This boy is the big 1 on Saturday!   Holy moly, we made it!  Made it through rsv.  Made it through sleep training.  Made it to being a big boy! I can't say that it was the easiest year of my life, but looking back it has been one of the most rewarding.  Even though Crew was a tough baby, I fell even in love with him over this last year. 

 The last month or so has been so fun with him.  He's eating good, feeling good, sleeping good, and becoming so pleasant!   He is crawling, and almost walking.   He can say mama, dada, dog, and bird (kind of:)).  He is finally starting to enjoy other people and is starting to show so much personality.  He loves to run and play chase.  Especially loves to dance.  This kid can head bang like no one's business.   It is one of my favorite things in the world.   You'll be trudging through Walmart getting groceries and you look over and there he is just rocking out in the baby seat.  

 He's definitely my biggest eater.  This kid loves his food.  Loves his sweets.  Loves his chicken, pulled pork, and anything else that you put in front of him.  He looks so similar to Milo's pictures from when he was 1.  The only difference is that Crew has a neck roll.  Milo weighed 18 pounds, and Crew weighs 22.   To be honest, I don't know how Crew isn't even fatter.   He can eat!

 He's still a mama's boy, and loves to hold my hand.   Pretty soon he won't want me to help him around, so I'm enjoying it for now.   Now that Crew can move, I swear he is one of the busiest babies I have ever seen.  He seriously never holds still.   I watch people at church, and they give their baby one book in the time that I go through every toy in the bag, stuff him with fruit snacks, use the bag as a hat, run laps around the chairs and pulls out both of my earrings and puts them in his mouth.   He is SO busy right now. 

 Crew LOVES dogs.  Loves his blanket.   Loves his brother and sister.  Steering wheels and cars.   Any kind of ball.... oh ya, and food:)

 I remember hearing the story of Sacajawea in college.   Did you know that while she lead the Lewis and Clarke expedition, she was pregnant?   She gave birth to a baby boy while on the voyage.   They say that she was such a strong force in the moral of the expedition.   Her baby boy was, "the pride and joy of the company".   I very much feel like that is what Crew is for our family.   We all baby him so much.   Even Tay just dotes and dotes on him.   We love it when he shakes his hands and smiles.   He is our baby- the pride and joy of our company.  I just love that mug!