Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Fine Print of the Job Description

Before becoming a mom I never knew...
-That I would call myself clean after putting on new sweats and picking bananas out of my hair.
-That I could be so happy to watch "The Lion King".  At least it has half decent music, and there aren't any tractors.
- That my days of dancing cool are over.  Jazz hands and cheesy smiling spins are all I know.  I probably always danced spastically (and like a dork), but when it's put to the wiggles or elmo's song, it somehow becomes 20 times more humiliating.
- That I could enjoy five minutes in the shower so much. It's the only "alone" time I ever have.
- That I could call 2 hours of sleep with earphones jammed in my ears "super refreshing".
- That I could be so happy making zero contribution to society.  Some days the biggest accomplishment that I make is getting Taya to say "ba ba ba". . . and I'm totally okay with that.
- That I would become so coordinated... I can change Taya's diaper while making her stand in the trunk. Find "skidsteer in the mud", while feeding Milo a bite of noodles, while dancing to keep Tay entertained.
- That my friends would no longer be determined by similar interests and good conversation, but by whether or not their child bites and has cool toys that they are willing to share.
- That I could stress so much.  How much sand can she swallow without doing permanent damage?  If my child eats 75% of the banana while we walk through the store, how much are they going to charge me? Oh my gosh, there is something seriously wrong with Taya's back.  It has a huge bump on it... oh wait that's just a sweet potato chunk mashed from lunch.
- That I could be so amazed by so little.  Like when Milo says, "skeeter" when he means computer, or when Taya crinkles her nose and sniffs a million times because she thinks something is funny.
- That I could love two kids so much.  I don't even know how to function without my kids anymore.  When I am out by myself, I accidently note that there is a farm tractor up ahead. When I am away from them for a long time (like a couple of hours), I am constantly worried.  I know that Chris is taking good care of them, but I am worried that I am going to miss something.  They get big so fast and our day is filled with a million simple moments, frustrating seconds, and silly bursts.  Being a mom is not always glamorous and anyone who seems like they have it together all of the time is full of crap.  It's impossible to know what is going to happen in the next moment and that's part of what makes it so fun and what makes it so nerve racking.  You learn a lot about yourself when you children's needs come first.  It has made me realize how much time I wasted worrying about stupid things when I was younger.  My kids don't care if  I need to pluck my eyebrows or if my pants don't fit as good as they used to.  All they care about is how many times dad and I are going to play hide and seek, and whether or not we saw how fast they went down the slide.  Before I became a mom I never knew that I could be so happy when my husband and children succeed.  Any of the unexpected and downright yucky things about being a mom are nothing compared to their perfectly messy smiles.