Oh Motherhood

So guess who has the black lung again... yep Crew.  It seriously is a joke how much he has been sick in the last three months.  I don't know if all moms feel this way-but when my kids are sick, I feel like I am going to lose.... my..... mind.  I get so worried about getting them better that I stress and stress. When Crew has his yucky cough, you absolutely can't let him cry.  Otherwise he has a coughing fit for 30-40 minutes, which means no eating, no sleeping, no resting until you can get him calmed down.  This means that I can't put him down-like all day.  It is backbreaking, soul stretching, exhausting work.    Crew woke up at 6 (if you call being up all night actually sleeping), twety minute nap all day, and irritable in my arms for all of the rest of it.  I seriously cried just at the thought of making dinner.  It was finally bed time, I was thrilled!  But then right as I was laying him in bed, he had a fit, which lasted 20 minutes, which turned into him not wanting to go back down, which turned into me bobbling him for two and a half hours at the end of the longest day. 
I was fried...
But then I look down at him, snoozing in my arms, and my heart just pounds with how much I love him.  Even his snotty yucky nose, and his tired puffy eyes look perfect to me.  How is it possible to love something that takes every piece of your individuality away? I keep thinking, one day I am going to be able to wash my hair and do my make up all in the same day.  One day I am going to exercise... and not just the squats I do while holding him... One day I am going to wear earrings and be able to go out to lunch without rushing the milk supply home.  One day I am going to find new recipes, and actually cook them. One day I am going to stop eating peanut butter by the spoonful for quick energy. . .  But for now his flapping little hands and snaggle tooth smile are more than enough to remind me that motherhood is a gift.  With all of it's ups and downs, it is a blessing.  And even though it stretches me further than I think I can handle, it's also shown me happiness that I didn't know was possible.  There is so much joy in life and I am grateful to be a mother.  I must also say, that I am so grateful for Chris.  I don't know how he has so much patience with me.  I really do get psycho when I don't sleep, and he just understands.  He lets me snap and complain and then somehow makes me feel all better.  It's hard because Crew is such a mamma's boy.  He won't let Chris hold him at all when he is sick, so Chris has to be creative.  He makes me specialty sandwiches and chases butterflies with Taya.  He really is the most patient man I've ever met.  I keep trying to enjoy now and not wish away this time.   I really do know that this is the time that we will cherish for eternity.    

Oh My Taya

Lets just talk about this little girl real quick.   She has the biggest personality lately.  She's always been opinionated, but WOW lately it's amped up.  So we went to buy her an Easter dress.  She fell in love with this white one, and even though I tried to explain that white dresses get dirty, this is the one that her little heart was set on. 

So we are driving home from the mall, and she says, "everybody stop. . . I don't have any shoes that match my dress!"  Chris and I were dying.  She is 2! yes 2!  We are in so much trouble if at 2 she is already so concerned about this. 

So I make her save the dress until Easter Sunday.  By the time that we get to church she is just beaming because she is just so sure that everyone is looking at her.   When the chorister leads the opening song, Taya says, "it's my turn to go up there in my beautiful dress."  I laugh and Chris says, "okay-go".  Here's the thing, I've never chased Taya in my whole life.  She's too shy to go too far away, and to calm to really run. . . But there she went, swishing her beautiful Easter self all the way to the pulpit.  Chris carried her back and explained why it wasn't her turn.  ... But then it was fast and testimony meeting.  She insisted on her mike time and wanted to bear her testimony.  Again, I am convinced that her whole incentive was that she wanted all eyes on her in her in her dress.  She even agreed to go to nursery that day, but when a little boy sat on part of her dress, she tattled on him so fast.  And when it was snack time she broke into tears because, "everyone is trying to spill their drink on my prettyful dress!"

and yes that is her gum that you can see in this picture... didn't you know, princesses always have gum:)

 Next story about this little girl happened on the night before Easter when we colored eggs.  I wasn't sure if Milo or Taya would really get into it... but oh boy, they did! Milo colored 18 eggs in about 3 minutes.  He loved to make them splash into the dye, stir them around, and then carry them on a spoon.  Honestly, I think that we found Milo's hidden talent.  He was so good at balancing those eggs!  And in true boy fashion he then threw them up in the air and made them "explode".  I'm telling you, he blew threw those eggs so fast.  18 colorful egg shells on our lawn in less than five minutes.   Taya on the other hand colored 1 Easter egg.  .  .   It took her 45 minutes.   First she colored every inch of it with a crayon, then she gently stirred and stirred the cup, and then came sparkles and stickers with aunt Jen.

She truly beats to her own drum.  She is such a funny two year old.  I can't believe how big she is getting, and how unique of a spirit she is.   I just love her to pieces and she brings so much light into our home.