Anxiety

After we had Milo, we thought that maybe we were done having babies.  It just seemed like such a big risk to have another baby.  I clung to Milo thinking that he might be my first, last, and only.  I tried to savor every toothless baby smile, every new trick, even every miserable feeding.  Milo was my complete obsession.  And then when I found out I was pregnant with Tay, my obsession grew.   When her pregnancy and delivery went so well, our statistics for a third improved 1000%.  Death rate for mother and baby went from 9% to .09%.  I always say she was my gateway baby.  When she was 1 day old, Chris told me that he wanted to have another.  With Taya I was so relaxed, she was such an easy baby, and I finally felt that "natural motherly feeling".  I wasn't constantly over thinking every little thing.  I became obsessed with Milo and Tay as a package deal-but obsessed in a good way. 
Now with Crew, I think he'll be our last, and suddenly my freaky overprotectiveness is kicking back in.  I'm just dying today because he's double digits--10 days old!  I love having a newborn.  Yes. I am tired. But I love the way Crew tucks his legs in and cuddles up on my chest. I love the wrinkles on the bottom of his feet.   It's like he was swimming for nine months:) And oh how crazy I am about his brown furry head.  And when he's awake and just checking out the world, I feel like his eyes say a million things. 
I know that a lot of mom's enjoy working. . . and sometimes I think something part time might be nice outlet. . . and then I go out for an evening, and I don't know how I could ever be away for more than a couple of hours.   Yes it's hard to leave my kids because I worry that it will be overwhelming for Chris after a long day of work, or that one of the kids will have a hard time while I'm away, but more than that it's hard for me to leave them because I just miss them when we're not together.   I went to the grocery store and when I went to smell a pineapple, I got a giant whiff of Crew's sweet shampoo that must have been left on my hands.  I wanted to throw my list away and go and hold my baby.   Or I'll call to check on things and I can hear Taya singing like Ariel in the background, and all I want to do is pinch her cute fat cheeks and give her a big hug.  My life is my family.  I feel so blessed to have them, and wish that I could freeze time so that it could be like this forever.  I am constantly saying to Chris, "This is my favorite stage".  It just keeps getting better and better.  I really am trying to cling to every moment.  To remember all of the little things, because I know that it's all of those little things that I'll look back and miss so much when my children are grown. 

Crew's Birth

I ask for blessings all of the time.  To be blessed with a healthy body, with knowledge on how to be a better mother, for stability and protection--and I can't help but look around and be in absolute awe at how Heavenly Father has answered my prayers.  This sweet new baby in our home is just making my heart swell out of my chest. I am completely overwhelmed. He is perfect. From his scrawny toes to his soft brown hair to the little squeaks he makes when he eats.  I feel inadequate of such a blessing.  Our family of four just got a huge addition, even though he is itty bitty.

On July 17th, I woke up around 1 a.m. having contractions every 3 minutes.  This really wasn't alarming because it had happened almost every night for several weeks.  Then finally around 4 a.m. I got really terrible chills and started throwing up.   At 6 I woke Chris up and told him that I either had the worst flu in the world, or I was in labor. . . My mom was at Girl's Camp, so I called Papa Mike to take charge of Milo and Taya while we went to the hospital to get things checked out :)
We checked into the hospital and they put us in a room. . . and of course, my contractions lightened a bit and spread out. I thought they were going to basically look at me and send me home.  But when they came in we found out that I had a temperature and that me and the baby both had high heart rates.  Blood work showed that I had some kind of infection.  My OB wasn't sure if it was just a viral bug, or something that we needed to seriously watch.  So he kept me for "observation".  All day I felt terrible. I kept having contractions, but what was really killing me was my body.  My legs and hips were on fire.  Chris and I walked and walked around the hospital.  It was literally torture to sit in the hospital bed.  Every time that the Dr. came in, I thought he would send me home.  I had dilated to a 3, but contractions were spread, and I didn't think he would keep me.  He finally decided that at 5 o'clock he would make a decision on what to do.  I was exactly 36 weeks pregnant, and he really wanted to see if things would stop on their own.  By the time that 5 o'clock came.  I was only having about four contractions an hour and had stopped dilating.  Then out of nowhere, right as the Dr. came in my blood pressure spiked.  He and the nurse kind of laughed and said, "that can't be a right reading". . . Sure enough, it measure that two more times. . . Just enough to keep us in "observation" for another hour.  This was like the longest day of my life.  I kept thinking, I'm going to have all of this pain and hassle and at the end of the day they are going to send me home empty handed!  But by 6 o'clock, things had changed.  My sats were all up, fever up, and I dilated to a 5.  They decided that they were going to deliver baby.  They broke my water at 9 o'clock, and labor got SO intense.  I was so exhausted from laboring all day, but really wanted to hold out and have him naturally.  By 11, I was a 7, and freaking out!  I couldn't get in control of the contractions and kept hyperventilating.  They kept having to come in and give me narcotic shots to make me calm down and breath.  Finally the nurse said, "you're body is sick, and on top of that you are asking it to do the hardest thing it will ever have to do.  If you want an epidural, then now is your chance".  I caved. . . I felt really guilty getting it.  I wanted to be able to say that I made it through all three of my children's births naturally.  But 23 hours of labor won.  I was just too exhausted.  I got the epidural. . . which come to find out, was nothing to be scared of after all.  About an hour later I was ready to push. 
Crew was born at 1:01 a.m. on July 18th, 2014.  All day long Chris kept asking if I thought it was a boy or a girl.  He decided that he thought it was a girl.  I kept telling him, "Although Taya is a little diva, she never causes me this much grief.  Only my boys do that:)"  I knew it was a boy and I knew we'd name him Crew (even though that wasn't the name I had previously chosen).  The doctor held the baby up and covered the private parts, then he said, "it's a. . . . and moved his hand."  It was pretty fun and exciting.  I knew that 36 weeks was borderline too early.  I was so worried that he was going to be too tiny.  I kept thinking, "please just break the 6 lb. barrier.  Don't be so small that they have to take you away".   Crew weighed in at 7 lbs. and was 20 inches. My biggest baby!  I couldn't believe it.  But he was having a hard time breathing so they took him for further assessment.  Both of us had pretty high fevers, and he was all red from being inside a sick mama.  It felt so amazing to have my baby here. But I also felt like crap.  It was crazy though how quickly things turned around for both of us though.  Within an hour they brought him back to me because he was doing so well on his own.  Our fevers went down, our heart rates were normal.  By time they moved us to our room, we were on cloud nine.  He was perfect, he was ours, and he was here!  I couldn't sleep at all the rest of the night because I was just so giddy to have him next to me.
The next day my mom brought the kids to meet their new brother.  It was adorable.  I loved seeing them hold him and kiss him.  I'm sure this will be a transition for them, but I know that these three are going to be inseparable.
I know I get all hormonal post-pregnancy. But I swear all of the random crying is justified.  I have been so blessed.  First with the most amazing husband.  A husband who knows just how to make me feel safe and comforted.  A husband who is the most incredible father to our children.  A husband who is so selfless and understanding.  And now we have not two, but three perfect children.  Kids that can do no wrong in our eyes.  They are our world.  Then you add our extended family who have been so amazing to help with anything and everything.  Plus our wonderful neighbors who mow our lawn, leave sweet gifts and cards, bring in meals.  I seriously am so overwhelmed,  how could I not be a little emotional!!!  My Heavenly Father has blessed me so abundantly.  I look at Crew in the middle of the night and just marvel.  Our Heavenly Father's plan is so clearly what life is all about.  My family has made my life feel complete and fulfilled me in a way that nothing else ever could.  I am so grateful for Crew and the love that he has brought into our home in just these few short days.  I am so so thrilled that we all get to be together forever.

Both of us were so beat up after 24 hours of labor.  Poor guy got incredibly bruised.

 

Christmas in July

Grandma went nuts at the Disney store. . . It resulted in Christmas in July.

 This little man has been making me play "lost people" so that fireman Frank (Milo) can find me, you can imagine his excitement when grandma got him a real fireman jacket. 

It made it even more exciting that his buddy Ryker got one too. 

They ran around saving the princesses and putting out fires.  It was adorable.   They insisted on playing outside in their jackets.  It was 100 degrees outside and they were sweating SO bad.  I asked them if they wanted to take their jackets off, and Milo says, "Never, firemen never get hot", and Ryker follows it up with, "Ya, real men don't even sweat".  They sure told me:)

This little princess got her first real princess dress.  She has been super into wearing tutus and character shirts, but I've been too cheap to get her the real thing.  This is her "Elsa blue" and she is in love.

Chera's girls got matching dolls to go with their costumes, but Taya got an Elsa cup.   She was absolutely delighted.  She seriously has a strange obsession with fun drinks.  I'm pretty sure she drank about 6 of those.

Chris was watching the soccer game, but when she went in to show him her new get up, and I'm pretty sure he just about died.  He is so wrapped around her finger it's not even funny.

 

Aliyah showed her the ropes and kept telling her what real princesses do. She was eating it up.

My kids wore their costumes an insane amount over the next couple of days.  Milo wore his coat to the pool, and Taya wore her Princess shoes so much that she had bleeding blisters-and was still begging to put them on.  Christmas in July was such a fun surprise, and a huge success.  Thanks grandma! 

Can I Get a Countdown

We are 3 weeks and 3 days away from baby #3.  I'm doing the world a favor by not posting a prego pic.
Things we've accomplished: hospital bag packed, kids gifts (from the baby) wrapped and taking up 90% of the hospital bag, two reasonable names picked for each gender- we're looking at a Crew, Colby, Emilia, or Marley, Taya moved out of the closet, basement completed, grown out of maternity clothes, threatened the Dr. about how things need to go down on delivery day, and booked my last mini vacation until I become a permanent feeding station.
Things that still need done: Taya's binky taken away, at least one more yard sale Saturday, get both kids sleeping through the night, binge on terrible pregnancy foods that I can never eat again, find a way to put myself into labor, figure out how to not freak out for the next 24 days.