Happened So Fast

It has been a cool summer so far, but we have managed to go to the pool almost every day.  The kids have LOVED it.  Milo is an amazing swimmer for being four years old.  I was really hoping that he would be able to touch the bottom of the pool this year, but he's still a little bit too small.  We told him that if he could swim the length of the pool without floaties or help then we would let him swim with just a tube and noodle. . . well he did it.  I'm telling you, he is amazing for being four.  So we bought him a noodle.   Taya of course wanted a purple on so that she could be like brother. 
Chera and I took the kids to the pool on Monday. There was one other family there and they were just sitting quietly on one side.  Lugging all of the stuff for five kids to the pool is exhausting.  We got there and I parked the wagon while propping Crew on my hip.  I was just about to get out the sun screen when I got the strong impression to turn around.  .   .  .  There at the far end of the pool I immediately spotted Taya. . . . under the water, with a purple noodle floating above her.  My heart sank.  She didn't fall in, so there was no splash.  She simply walked down the stairs holding her noodle, thinking that she was being safe, lost grip of it, and went under.   She was trying to tread, but her little hands weren't even breaking the surface of the water.  It seriously was so fast and 100% silent.  No one actually saw when exactly she went under, that was one of the things that scared me the most.  I didn't know if she had been under for 5 seconds, or 50.  A million things raced through my mind when I saw her.  "She is still moving, it's going to be okay. Do I leave Crew on the cement and hope he doesn't follow me into the pool?  How long has she been in there?  Please don't go limp, please keep moving.  Oh my gosh, she is three.  How did I not keep my eyes on her.  It's going to be okay, just get to her. Please keep on moving."  I yelled at Chera to take Crew, sprinted the length of the pool, and jumped in for her.  the whole time I kept praying, "please don't go limp".  I got to her and pulled her out of the water.  She was coughing and terrified, but okay.  Poor little thing just kept saying, "I was just sinking so bad." 
I held her wet little body so tight. 
Things happen so fast!  I 100% know that Heavenly Father was looking out for us that day.  It was kind of a funny thing.  That morning when I said my morning prayers (which are always groggy and not super),  I got off my knees and then got the strong impression to pray for the safety of my children.  I quickly threw up a, "oh, and please help me keep my children safe".  I honestly gave a minimal effort, but now looking back, I am so sure that those two promptings that day made the difference of 30 seconds-30 seconds that saved Taya's life. 
Since then I feel like I have been clinging to her.  All of the "what ifs"  keep running through my head.  So often I forget how fragile life is.  How powerful and merciful our Heavenly Father is. And how the little things add up to be the big things in life.  I love my Taya so much and I am so grateful that she is okay.  That terrifying moment has definitely renewed my faith, and made me eternally grateful for a Heavenly Father who is personally involved in my life, and who wants to help me in everything I do. 

First Time Fishing

Chris and I both come from families of fishermen/women.  For whatever reason, it never stuck with either of us.  We have the a.d.d. way too bad.  But on Memorial Day I really wanted to do something in nature with the kids.  Problem is, the mountains are like 40 minutes from here, which with Crew is like an eternity.  Plus once we got there we would have a very short amount of time before we needed to head back for naps, so we came up with plan B: Coldwater Fish Farm.
They hand you the pole, you don't use bait, and you are guaranteed a fish within ten minutes.  that's my kind of fishing!
These mugs are attempting a "fish face".

 Taya was SO patient.  She let Milo fish first and never complained once.  It took her about 8 minutes to catch her fish... which in 2 year old little girl time is quite a while.   As soon as her fish came out of the water, she panicked.  She squealed and ran and tackled Chris's legs for safety. 

 It was adorable!

 Milo was the exact opposite.  As soon as his fish came out of the water he wanted to kiss it and hold it and show it to everyone that walked by. 

Like seriously wouldn't put it down.  I had tried to tell him that these fish aren't pets, instead you eat them.  He seemed fine with this idea until he was actually holding it.  Then he said, "not me!  I'm keeping mine forever! Even if he dies I will still love him and keep him in my room."  

At one point I was feeding Crew lunch, and Milo kept putting his fish right in my face and saying, "Mom, say hi to my pet fishy.  Isn't he so cute!"  I grimaced and told him that he should put it back in the bucket.  Which was immediately followed by a very serious, "why?"  I told him that the fish was kind of stinky and I didn't like it in my face.  So Milo takes a big old whiff of that thing and says, "I love it. I'm holding him all day." . . . and he basically did.

 Crew is at a tricky stage.  He didn't love fishing because he really really just wanted to get in the water.  He can't walk yet, but he thinks he can.  So we held hands and tip toe walked the entire pond.  He's also learned to whine even when he is happy and smiling.  It can be very confusing, so I just try to tell myself that he is talking and actually thoroughly enjoying himself:)

So we missed the whole grave thing on Memorial Day, but I really think that Chuck, and Naka, were watching us catch a fish for them and enjoyed that more than flowers:)

Oh Motherhood

So guess who has the black lung again... yep Crew.  It seriously is a joke how much he has been sick in the last three months.  I don't know if all moms feel this way-but when my kids are sick, I feel like I am going to lose.... my..... mind.  I get so worried about getting them better that I stress and stress. When Crew has his yucky cough, you absolutely can't let him cry.  Otherwise he has a coughing fit for 30-40 minutes, which means no eating, no sleeping, no resting until you can get him calmed down.  This means that I can't put him down-like all day.  It is backbreaking, soul stretching, exhausting work.    Crew woke up at 6 (if you call being up all night actually sleeping), twety minute nap all day, and irritable in my arms for all of the rest of it.  I seriously cried just at the thought of making dinner.  It was finally bed time, I was thrilled!  But then right as I was laying him in bed, he had a fit, which lasted 20 minutes, which turned into him not wanting to go back down, which turned into me bobbling him for two and a half hours at the end of the longest day. 
I was fried...
But then I look down at him, snoozing in my arms, and my heart just pounds with how much I love him.  Even his snotty yucky nose, and his tired puffy eyes look perfect to me.  How is it possible to love something that takes every piece of your individuality away? I keep thinking, one day I am going to be able to wash my hair and do my make up all in the same day.  One day I am going to exercise... and not just the squats I do while holding him... One day I am going to wear earrings and be able to go out to lunch without rushing the milk supply home.  One day I am going to find new recipes, and actually cook them. One day I am going to stop eating peanut butter by the spoonful for quick energy. . .  But for now his flapping little hands and snaggle tooth smile are more than enough to remind me that motherhood is a gift.  With all of it's ups and downs, it is a blessing.  And even though it stretches me further than I think I can handle, it's also shown me happiness that I didn't know was possible.  There is so much joy in life and I am grateful to be a mother.  I must also say, that I am so grateful for Chris.  I don't know how he has so much patience with me.  I really do get psycho when I don't sleep, and he just understands.  He lets me snap and complain and then somehow makes me feel all better.  It's hard because Crew is such a mamma's boy.  He won't let Chris hold him at all when he is sick, so Chris has to be creative.  He makes me specialty sandwiches and chases butterflies with Taya.  He really is the most patient man I've ever met.  I keep trying to enjoy now and not wish away this time.   I really do know that this is the time that we will cherish for eternity.    

Oh My Taya

Lets just talk about this little girl real quick.   She has the biggest personality lately.  She's always been opinionated, but WOW lately it's amped up.  So we went to buy her an Easter dress.  She fell in love with this white one, and even though I tried to explain that white dresses get dirty, this is the one that her little heart was set on. 

So we are driving home from the mall, and she says, "everybody stop. . . I don't have any shoes that match my dress!"  Chris and I were dying.  She is 2! yes 2!  We are in so much trouble if at 2 she is already so concerned about this. 

So I make her save the dress until Easter Sunday.  By the time that we get to church she is just beaming because she is just so sure that everyone is looking at her.   When the chorister leads the opening song, Taya says, "it's my turn to go up there in my beautiful dress."  I laugh and Chris says, "okay-go".  Here's the thing, I've never chased Taya in my whole life.  She's too shy to go too far away, and to calm to really run. . . But there she went, swishing her beautiful Easter self all the way to the pulpit.  Chris carried her back and explained why it wasn't her turn.  ... But then it was fast and testimony meeting.  She insisted on her mike time and wanted to bear her testimony.  Again, I am convinced that her whole incentive was that she wanted all eyes on her in her in her dress.  She even agreed to go to nursery that day, but when a little boy sat on part of her dress, she tattled on him so fast.  And when it was snack time she broke into tears because, "everyone is trying to spill their drink on my prettyful dress!"

and yes that is her gum that you can see in this picture... didn't you know, princesses always have gum:)

 Next story about this little girl happened on the night before Easter when we colored eggs.  I wasn't sure if Milo or Taya would really get into it... but oh boy, they did! Milo colored 18 eggs in about 3 minutes.  He loved to make them splash into the dye, stir them around, and then carry them on a spoon.  Honestly, I think that we found Milo's hidden talent.  He was so good at balancing those eggs!  And in true boy fashion he then threw them up in the air and made them "explode".  I'm telling you, he blew threw those eggs so fast.  18 colorful egg shells on our lawn in less than five minutes.   Taya on the other hand colored 1 Easter egg.  .  .   It took her 45 minutes.   First she colored every inch of it with a crayon, then she gently stirred and stirred the cup, and then came sparkles and stickers with aunt Jen.

She truly beats to her own drum.  She is such a funny two year old.  I can't believe how big she is getting, and how unique of a spirit she is.   I just love her to pieces and she brings so much light into our home. 

Family Vacation 2015

One of our goals is to take a family vacation every year. . . Well, that seemed quite impossible this year because of three little people schedules, a baby that hates the car, and mom that finds it difficult enough to handle Walmart all together--let alone traveling.  So for our vacation, we went to exotic Salt Lake City, Utah. 
Day 1
We potty trained Taya about two weeks ago.  She did a fantastic job.  Like only 2 or 3 accidents total.  I had promised her that if she went on the potty then I would taker her to the city and visit the princess store (Disney).  Now my kids are quite sheltered.  We only visit the mall a couple of times a year, and really don't leave a 20 mile radius other than going to grandma's, so this whole trip was a bit over stimulating for them.  Taya walking into the Disney store and instantly found the play castle that they have there.  At the front of the store they had their swim suits and dolls.  She found a brave doll and said that she loved it. .  .  .  That was until she saw that they sale princess dresses.  She instantly throws the doll on the floor and says, "I hate toys.  I need an Elsa dress."  :) My little diva.  She will pick clothes/shoes over toys all the time.  I sure love my tiny. 

The only problem with this dress, is that it is so big and poofy, and NOISY.  She of course refused to take it off for the rest of the trip.  Which meant she slept in it.  She and I shared a bed, and oh wow, she is a mover in her sleep.  Plus the Elsa dress, and yikes, it was not too restful of a night.  Plus she is a cuddler.  She insisted on holding my arm, laying on my face, snuggling my back, all night.  Most moms at this point would make her change into PJ's and sleep in separate beds... but I couldn't... she owns me:)

In the evening Milo got to go to the planetarium with Chris to see a space show.  He loved it.  He even got to pick out a toy rocket after, and he thought that was amazing.   The planetarium was also super busy and chaotic.  He did kind of look like a deer in the headlights coming out of there, but absolutely loved it. Milo has the most infectious smile and laugh.  It makes it so fun to make him happy.  



Then it was chicken nuggets and off to the pool.   We always have so much fun swimming as  family.  This was the first time that I let Crew get all the way in the water with the kids.  He loved it.  Milo would go under the water and then poke his head up.  Crew thought that it was amazing.  He would giggle and giggle every time that Milo would come up.  Milo loved being the entertainer, and played with him until he was light headed from holding his breath.  Taya is not pictured in this swimming section because she had to keep going to the bathroom... like I said we are new at this potty training thing, and apparently the pool was a new experience.

By then everyone was wiped out.  We put Crew to sleep (in the hotel bathroom) and let the big kids do treats and a movie.  Jurassic Park was on TV, and thanks to grandma Bird's exposure, they love that show.  We ate doughnuts in bed and snuggled all together.

Vacations with kids are so much fun. . . but with that said, I always feel like they are so much work that I need a vacation after our vacation:)  So, that is exactly what we did.  The next morning we dropped Taya and Milo off with grandma and started round 2 of our vacation. 
It was almost an adult vacation, except we had to adhere to Crew's schedule... which actually didn't dampen our fun.  We had to take naps and go to bed early.  Chris and I really lived it up.  Every day we ate continental breakfast (usually twice), then did some shopping, worked out at the hotel, ate dinner somewhere fun, including 2 taco carts, and then had dessert and a movie at the hotel.  It was so fun!  I loved being able to just walk around the city with Chris and have some time to actually talk to each other.   Our life together is a bit crazy.  We signed in for 3 kids under 4, and we love it, but it sure is busy right now.  It was so fun to get some time for just us (well, just us and Crew). 
Crew loved the city.  He was content on my hip, and loved looking at the buildings and being the only child for once.

  I even let him have some ice cream for the first time and oh boy, he was in baby heaven.  He latched on it like it was a bottle, and it was so hard to pry it away from him. 

He also go ahold of my Jamba.

 

and we took him swimming at hot tubbing at least once a day.  He really enjoyed being catered to!

This was such a fun break for our family.  It wasn't California or Hawaii, but felt so glamorous even though we were only 30 minutes from home.  Hopefully next year we can go somewhere with sand, but if we just end up downtown again, I'll be thrilled.

 

 

 

 

 

Glutton

My ward had a Women's Conference a couple of weeks ago.  It was wonderful.  It truly helped me recharge my commitment.  One of the classes was called building your testimony while navigating grief.   Two sisters who lost their mother to conference were the speakers.  They had some amazing experience and were awesome examples of followers of Christ.   I was so relaxed, and childless, and I remember the thought, "wow, I wish that I had experiences like that.". . . then I thought, "wait, wait, wait, what am I wishing on myself here?"  I wrestled with myself for a couple of minutes.  Trials are testimony builders. . . but with that said, isn't it so nice when your life is seemingly trial free? Now I in no way had a trial anywhere comparable to those two sisters, but I came home to find my faith builder waiting for me. 
Crew had croup during the last week of January.  We got the steroid shot, and other than being exhausted, we survived.  Then on the Saturday of the conference he was super fussy.  Sunday was a joke, and by Monday morning I had to take him in.  Double ear infections and RSV.  Now I vividly remember RSV with Milo.  I remember him crying and choking and gasping for hours, and I would wrap him and bobble him and cry too.   Crew's RSV seemed so much different.  His nose wasn't really snotty, he just acted like he felt terrible.  He couldn't sleep for longer than about 20 minutes, even though he was so tired.  By day 13 of RSV, he seemed to be getting worse, not better.  On Valentine's Day, he started having so much trouble breathing it was scary.  Through the night he couldn't stop coughing.  It was so confusing, because his nose was 100% clear.   I hadn't had to even wipe it once that whole day.  But in the night you could hear the tightness in his chest and throat.  He literally couldn't stop coughing.  I'm saying like at least every 15 seconds he'd have a coughing fit.  He sounded like he had smoker's lung.  I kept thinking he's already on antibiotics, he doesn't have a fever, no congestion, what in the world could be wrong?  So at 4 in the morning I headed to the 24 hour clinic.  From there they sent me to the emergency room.  I can't even begin to explain how exhausted I was at this point.  It had been over 20 days of no sleep, not only no sleep, but Crew is high maintenance.  If he's not feeling well, you have to be bouncing to keep him happy.  I mean like full squat bouncing 24 hours a day, even while nursing.  I was a teary zombie, with noodle legs, and unwashed hair.  They made me pin him down to flush his nose.  Then they drew blood.  It was so so sad.  Crew is usually very opinionated, but by time they poked him, it was like he was too exhausted to even put up a fit.  He just whimpered and cried this weak, raspy, quiet cry.  Just watching his quivering bottom lip was enough to send me over the edge.  Poor little baby.  Then they sent us for chest xrays.  This was also not pleasant, but we survived.  Finally around 8 a.m. they decided that he had bronchitis, RSV, and some type of atypical infection in his lungs.  His oxygen levels were high enough that they let us go home, with some high dosage meds and a follow up apt.  By then I was seriously at the breaking point.  When your kids are sick you would do anything possible to make them feel better.  I knew that we had done everything possible, and had to just ride it out.  However, I honestly didn't know how much longer I could make it.  Physically I was a wreck.  I'd been surviving off of high doses of peanut butter fingers and hot fudge sundays.  If I chose to take a shower, that meant that Crew would be crying on the floor and it worried me that he was going to get too worked up and not be able to catch his breath- so it was easier not to.  Mentally I was fried.  Like pregnancy dumb x100.  All of my energy was going into stressing over how to help him.  I was so short with Milo and Taya.  They had been surviving on high doses of Little Mermaid, and Goldfish crackers.  Honestly, I think that we rented 5 redbox movies in 3 days, just so I could try to keep them occupied while I struggled with Crew.  Poor little things were neglected, but I couldn't do anymore than I was doing.  Every night I went to bed exhausted from the day, disappointed that I hadn't been a better mother, and nervous about how I was possibly going to make it through the next day.   
Well after what seemed like forever, peace restored to the house.  The supercharged antibiotic that they gave Crew worked wonders within a couple of days, and finally for the first time in 3+ weeks I saw him start smiling again.  It was like having an entirely new baby.  You could tell that not only was he feeling better, but he was super excited because during those terrible couple of weeks he had developed and got stronger.  All of the sudden he could grab and manipulate things, he was strong, like almost strong enough to sit up by himself, he could roll over and push up like he was a muscle man, and oh boy was he ever so excited to be able to eat again.  We're talking nursing, baby food, pancakes, macaroni, everything and anything he could get his little mug on.  It was amazing.  It made my heart so happy to see him healthy again.  It made me feel complete to have at least one arm to play princesses with Taya, and tractors with Milo. 
Those couple of weeks seriously kicked my butt.  I cannot explain how excited I am to see an early spring and end to cold season.   Trials are funny things.  After they are over, you can so clearly see your foolishness and desperation, but oh man, in the thick of it you feel like you are downing and there isn't possibly any good that can come out of so much difficulty.
Sometimes it takes a long time to understand why/how a trial strengthened you.  This time I must confess, that I can see a glimpse of why Heavenly Father wanted us to go through this.  I have always loved Crew.  Like all 9 months, every movement on the ultrasound screen, and I was absolutely smitten as soon as he was born.  But I must confess, some of the excitement about a new baby had worn off by #3.  Don't get me wrong, I was proud, in love, and thrilled to be his mother, but I didn't even realize that something was missing.  Having to hold him so close for 30 days.  Pleading with Heavenly Father to help strengthen his body and let him rest. Wracking my brain to make sure that I had done everything possible to make him comfortable. All of these things led to this amazing, new, and different bond.  He demanded the center stage, and that first smile after so many restless nights absolutely warmed my heart and soul.  I am SO happy that February is over!!!  But I am also so grateful for the trials and blessings that February brought to our family.

6 Months...

So this blog was originally titled "6 months, sleep training, and sanity". . .  Well, we were sane for a minute:)  Unfortunately this month Crew got croup, followed by RSV and double ear infections.  Poor little man.  He has been a major mama's boy, and we caved and bought another exercise ball to bounce/rock him on.  But apart from sickness, my little man is growing into such a little stud. 

He is by far our biggest baby.  He skipped entirely over Milo's 3-9 month clothing, and is wearing what Milo wore at 1+.  I'm not going to lie though.  Baby #3 is totally about convenience.  I rarely get Crew dressed in anything but PJ's.   He's just so snuggly in them, and I never have to find socks:)

He is developing such a personality.  He loves bath time.  He has recently discovered that he doesn't have to lay down anymore.  Now he wants to sit up and splash, or even better yet jump and jump and splash.  Crew always has this giant open mouth smile.  Whether he's mad, or anxious, happy, or excited, I swear it always hangs wide open.  Crew loves Milo and Taya.  Taya kind of just likes to burry him in toys, but Milo listens really closely to how I talk to Crew, and will repeat whatever I say that makes him smile.  He is an awesome big brother, and Crew just loves him to pieces.  Crew also loves to be outside.  He is finally figuring out how to be somewhere other than mom's arms, and can actually make it around the block in the stroller.  

There isn't too much that Crew doesn't like to eat.  He was clearing 5 jars of baby food a day before he got sick.  He loves cheerios and baby treats, but usually screams when he eats them, I think because he's worried that there won't be more after he finishes what is in his mouth.  He is a stinker like Taya, and doesn't take a bottle.  he loves nursing (usually) and is starting to do pretty good on a sippee. 

Crew, like Milo, is VERY particular about how things are done.  Definitely a high maintenance little man.  I would worry about it, but Milo grew out of his peculiar demands and I'm sure Crew will too.  For now I indulge him to keep him happy.  This means, very little time in the car, not too many people, being swaddled and bobbled, no loud noises, and lots and lots of reassurance from mom. 

It's funny the things that you worry about with your first baby, and the things that you don't by your third.  I remember feeling frantic anxiety all of the time with Milo.  Even if he was behaving, I was so worried about when he was going to lose it.  Crew loses it all of the time, but it's so much easier for me to laugh it off and chop it up to him being a baby.  Taya loved everyone and cooed at everyone as a baby, but the boys are stingy with their affection.  They make you work for it, but then when they do give you that smirky little smile, it absolutely melts your heart and makes your thousand attempts worth it. 

I keep trying to hang onto every stage that Crew goes through.  He is our last, and my baby forever.  He truly does make my heart happy.  He's the last part of our family and I feel like he has made us all become complete.  He's the little brother, mama's little turkey, and daddy's little man.  I can't believe that we're already half way to one.  It really goes too fast, and I hope that I always remember how wonderful this time in life is-trying, but wonderful.